CoaP - 2053
By: Shaun Shikeishuu (Hyper Knux)
Our story takes place at the CoaP warehouse. The gang are all watching TV when the doorbell rings.
Ego God: Someone get the door.
Zin: No it's probably those damn animal rights activists again.
JSG: Ya the bastards keep trying to get us to sign their damn petition.
Super: Ya and they keep telling me not to steal monkeys.
Mystic: I remember that!
Flash back to when Super stole a monkey.
Animal Activist: Stop stealing monkeys!
Super: Fuck you!
Animal Activist: Fair enough.
End Flashback.
Hyper: I remember too. Maybe we should get a pet for the warehouse!
Doorbell rings again.
Ego God: No pets! Now someone answer the door.
Mystic: Fine I'll do it.
Mystic answers the door.
Mystic: It's Nuku!
Nuku: Hi guys!
Zin: Why do you keep coming here for?
Nuku: Because I want to hang out with my old friends more. Just like old times.
JSG: Well there are no adventures today. We are watching TV.
Nuku: Oh. What took so long to answer the door anyway?
Mystic: We thought you were the animal rights activists again.
Hyper: Ya they have been at our throats lately because of the way Super treats monkeys.
Super: Hey I handle the monkeys in a gentle manor!
Hyper: Whatever. Anyway can we have a pet Ego Dude?
Ego God: No!
Hyper: Damn it. I wanted to get a pet Dodo bird.
Mystic: Hyper Dodo birds are extinct.
Hyper: What?!?! When did this happen?!?!?
Nuku: Hyper Dodo birds have been extinct since 1681 when Portuguese sailors who landed on the shores of the island of Mauritius wiped them all out.
JSG: Nuku is smart.
Zin: She was always the smart responsible CoaP member.
Nuku: Yup. Well sorry Hyper guess you can't have a pet Dodo.
Hyper: Damn it! There is only one thing to do! Super and me shall build a Time-Shed to go back and in time so we can have a pet Dodo Bird!
Ego God: Ok later guys, be back by dinner.
Super: So if Hyper and me go back in time and bring back a Dodo we can keep it?
Ego God: Sure!
Hyper and Super: Wooo!
Hyper and Super run off to get to work on their Time-Shed.
Ego God: Idiots.
Nuku: That wasn't nice to trick them like that.
Mystic: Nah, in about an hour they'll forget about wanting a pet Dodo anyway.
Nuku: If you say so.
One hour later Nuku enters the warehouse garage to see Hyper and Super working on a large structure that looks like a shed.
Nuku: You two are really trying to make a time machine?
Hyper: Not time machine. Time Shed!
Super: Ya and were done! Now we can get a pet Dodo Bird!
Nuku: You to realize that it isn't going to work right?
Hyper: It will work. I just need to flip this switch.
Hyper and Super step inside the Time-Shed.
Super: Want to come with?
Nuku is laughing.
Nuku: Sure why not?
Hyper: Super flip the switch!
Super: Kay.
Super flips the switch and the Time-Shed starts to glow and disappears. It reappears in a place surrounded by large buildings and weird looking structures.
Nuku: Ok what just happen?
Super: We traveled back in time!
Nuku: No really what just happen?
Hyper: This doesn't look like the past.
Hyper picks up a newspaper from the ground.
Hyper: Oh no... it can't be!
Super: What is it Hyper?!?!
Hyper: There's a new Sega game called Shadow Adventure!
Super: What!!?!? NO!!!!!!!!
Nuku: Let me see that newspaper.
She reads it.
Nuku: It's dated. 2053.
Super: Say what?
Nuku: We traveled 50 years into the future.
Hyper: Sweet! Can we go visit my gravesite?
Super and Nuku: No!
Super: So now that were in the future what should we do?
Hyper: Go buy video games that don't exist yet!
Nuku: I only have 20 bucks.
Super: I have a penny.
Hyper: Good for you. Anyway all I have is a 20.
Nuku: We can't really buy anything for 40 bucks.
Super: 40 bucks and 1 cent.
Hyper: Shut up. Let's check out the gaming shops of the future anyway.
Nuku: Fine.
They go and find a video game shop.
Super: DUDES!!!! Sega released a new console!
Hyper: Holy shit! It even comes with Sonic Adventure X!
Nuku: What's weird is besides Sega and Nintendo games I see nothing from Microsoft or Sony.
Game Clerk: Where the heck have you three been the last three years? In the year 2050 Nintendo released their new console the Nintendo Omega and the handheld Ultra Game Boy Advance SP Mark II and they put both Microsoft and Sony out of business. The Sony PS5 and Microsoft X4 were complete failures.
Hyper: When the heck did this new Sega system come out?
Game Clerk: After Nintendo was the only gaming company Sega decided they could make a comeback in the console war and just last month released the all new Sega Phophet X with the all new Sonic game called Sonic Adventure X.
Super: Holy shit! That's awesome!
Nuku: A Tenth Sonic Adventure game? Wow.
Hyper: Dudes the Ultra Game Boy Advance SP Mark II is like a handheld Game Cube! It has 3D graphics and the games are on mini disks!
Game Clerk: You three don't get out much do youse?
Super: Well lets look around guys.
Nuku: Ok.
Hyper starts to look through a bin of old Game Cube games. There is a sign that says 10$ each or 2 for 15$
Hyper: I have enough money to get 2 Game Cube games! Must find Sonic Heroes!
Super: That's a good idea man.
Hyper: I don't believe it.
Hyper pulls out a GC game that says "Sonic Adventure 3: Mecha Madness".
Nuku: Sonic Adventure 3!
Hyper: This is amazing! According to the box it came out in the year 2005. The playable characters are Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Metal Sonic, Metal Knuckles, and... Metal Shadow?
Super: Damn them! They made a Metal Shadow!
Nuku: Who cares! You can get a game that doesn't come out for 2 more years!
Hyper: Ya your right.
Hyper continues looking through the bin.
Hyper: My prays have been answered.
Hyper holds up a game case that says "Knuckles Adventure: The Chaotix Return"
Nuku: The Chaotix!
Hyper: Wow. playable characters are Knuckles, Espio, Mighty, Charmy, Vector and. JULIE-SU!!! YUS!!!
Nuku: An Archie character in a Sega game?
Hyper: There is a God!
Super: It also looks as if the bad guy is Metal Knuckles.
Hyper: Awesome! I'm getting these two games.
Hyper crumbles up his twenty-dollar bill to make it look old and pays for the two games. They leave the shop.
Hyper: Dudes I can't wait to get back to the present and play these games!
Nuku: Ya you lucked out.
Super: I wish I would have brought money.
Hyper: Dude you can play after I beat them.
Super: Ok. just make sure you beat them before they get released for real.
Hyper: Fine fine.
Nuku: Hey guys let's use the money we have left to go see a movie from the future!
Super: Sure thing. We can laugh at how crappy the special affects of the future are.
=====================WARNING===========================
They arrive at a future looking Movie Theater.
Nuku: What should we see?
Hyper reads a movie poster that says Star Wars XXX.
Hyper: Dude they made a Star Wars Episode Thirty?
Super: Guess so. Let's go see it!
Nuku: Ok.
They go to see the Star Wars movie.
Obi-Wan's voice can be heard in Luke's thoughts.
Obi-Wan: Luke, Darth Vader is you're farther and Princess Lia is your sister.
Luke: If this is true I must confront my farther and tell Lia she is my sister.
Luke looks down and the movie screen shows Princess Lia giving Luke a blowjob.
Luke: I think I'll confront my farther first.
Super: Dude she's giving him head!
Nuku: Ewwww!
Hyper: Wait a minute. it wasn't Star Wars episode 30. the XXX means it's a porno!
Super: Woooo!
Nuku: This is disgusting.
After the movie ends we see Hyper, Super, and Nuku leaving the theater.
Super: Wow that was pretty good.
Hyper: Ya but that scene where Luke thought those lesbians with the strap on light sabers kind of freaked me out.
Super: I know what you mean.
Nuku: That was sick guys! I can't believe they made a Star Wars porno. I bet all these damn movies are porno.
Super: The future is a good place.
Nuku: No it isn't! Now let's go home.
Hyper: Fine let's head back to the Time-Shed.
=====================WARNING===========================
They are seen walking back.
Super: If this is the future why aren't there any flying cars?
Nuku: Super we only traveled back 50 years. I doubt the technology would be that advance yet.
Super: Damn.
Hyper: Um. do you guys see what I see?
Super and Nuku look.
Super: It looks like Cal and Ego God.
Nuku: It can't be. they look like they're only in their late 20's.
Super: Ya Ego God would be 69 by now.
Hyper: Huh huh 69.
Nuku: Shhhhh quite so we can hear what they're saying.
Guy who looks like Ego God: I have foiled you're plans once again Cal Jr.!
Nuku: Cal Jr.?
Cal Jr.: Damn you Ego God Jr.! Someday I will marry you and take over SoaH City!
Super: Ego God Jr.?
Hyper: It can't be.
Nuku: This is really strange guys.
Cal Jr.: Come on Ego God Jr.! Just marry me so I can take over the city!
Ego God Jr.: You will never take over what my farther worked so hard on these last 50 years! Never!
Hyper: Dude Ego Dude has a kid.
Super: That's understandable but how the hell does Cal have a kid? He's gay remember?
Hyper: Maybe in the future men can pregnate other men.
Nuku: Ewww that's sick!
Cal Jr.: Hey Ego God Jr. who are they?
Cal Jr. points to where Hyper, Super, and Nuku are.
Ego God Jr.: It looks like my farthers old friends except they look young.
Cal Jr.: The pink one looks kind of cute.
Hyper: I'm not cute! I'm sexy!
Super: Dude be quite they'll spot us.
Nuku: Super they already did.
Super: Oh no! Run!
Ego God Jr.: Stop right there!
Nuku: We didn't move yet.
Ego God Jr.: Oh... um who are you people?
As Ego God Jr. is talking to the gang Cal Jr. attempts to run off.
Hyper: He's getting away!
Hyper runs after Cal Jr.
Hyper: Get back here!
Ego God Jr.: Damn he's fast.
Hyper catches up to Cal Jr. and confronts him.
Cal Jr.: Curse you! I'm too tired to.
Hyper kicks Cal Jr. in the balls.
Cal Jr.: R...u...n..
Cal Jr. falls to the ground.
Hyper: Justice has been served!
A old Green Frog with a beard appears.
Solor: I still love that line!
Solor disappears.
Ego God Jr.: Wow you got him good.
Super: He sure did.
Nuku: Well it's been fun but we need to go. Come on guys.
Hyper, Super, and Nuku run off.
Ego God Jr.: Man my farther had weird friends.
Nuku: There's the Time Machine! Let's get out of here.
Hyper: Time-Shed! Not Time Machine! Time-Shed!
Nuku: Whatever.
They use the Time-Shed to leave the future.
Later that day we find Hyper, Super, and Nuku playing Multi-player on Sonic Adventure 3.
Zin: What the heck are you guys playing?
Hyper: Sonic Adventure 3.
JSG: No such game exists stupid.
Super: Not yet it doesn't. We made a Time-Shed and visited the future and Hyper bought this game along with Knuckles Adventure.
Ego God: There is no such thing as a Time-Shed.
Nuku: Ya there is. I went with them to the future. They're telling the truth.
Mystic: Went with them? Nuku have you been drinking?
Nuku: No!
Zin: There is no way these two idiots made a device that can be used to travel through time.
Hyper: We did so! Remember we made it so we can go get a pet Dodo Bird. Ego Dude even said we could make one.
Ego God: I wasn't being serious.
JSG: You guys must all be wasted to think you went to the future.
Nuku: I don't drink!
Mystic: I have a question though. What game are they playing then?
Super: Sonic Adventure 3.
Zin: Wait a minute. is that Metal Knuckles on the fricking screen?
Hyper: Yes.
JSG: Is this some kind of hoax? Or a trick you three are trying to pull?
Super: No we visited the future. We even saw Ego God Jr. and Cal Jr.
Everyone but Nuku, Hyper and Super laughs.
Zin: Cal Jr.? Now we know your lying! Cal could never have a kid.
JSG: Ya and we all know Ego God will never score.
Ego God: Shut up!
Mystic: I still want to know what game their playing.
Nuku: Sonic Adventure 3!
Zin: Sure.
Ego God: Anyway turn that crap off and come with us. Were going out to eat.
Hyper: Ok but on the way back we need to pick up food for Spunky.
Mystic: Who the hell is Spunky?
Nuku: Our new pet.
Ego God: I said no pets!
Super: You said we could have a Dodo Bird.
Ego God: Ya but they are extinct so there for no pets.
Hyper: You lying piece of shit!
A Dodo Bird runs buy the gang.
Everyone but Nuku, Hyper and Super: O_O
Ego God: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
Hyper: That was Spunky.
Everyone but Nuku, Hyper and Super fall over anime style.
The End
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