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Many years had passed since the last adventure of CoaP. Ok maybe not years but it has been awhile. As always the members have come and gone. The leader Ego God is still there, as is Hyper Knux but now there’s some new faces. How about we go meet them?
The camera zooms to the CoaP warehouse and shows the outside of the structure. The SoaH Machine can be seen parked in the driveway. The camera gets a close up of it before heading inside. There we see most of the new CoaP gang.
The leader Ego God is sitting around watching TV, along with the house lovely ladies Shuki and Hedj. Nearby is Dawginson, he’s in the kitchen making some bacon. Meanwhile DB is in his own personal weapons room cleaning his guns. Hyper is no where to be found.
Ego God: Dawg are you making bacon AGAIN?
Dawginson replies from the kitchen.
Dawginson: I sure am!
Hedj: But it’s 2 in the afternoon.
Dawginson: So what? There’s never a bad time to eat bacon!
Shuki: You know if you keep eating bacon like you do now you’ll die of a heart attack.
Dawginson: Pfft. As long as I go out eating bacon I would have no regrets.
Ego God, Hedj and Shuki all look at each other and sigh. Just then DB comes walking into the room.
Darth: Let him eat his bacon. Bacon is the food of the gods!
Ego God: I’m a God and I’m not really into bacon.
Dawginson: That’s cause you’re a fake God! Anyway we got any Ice Cream guys?
Shuki: For what?
Dawginson: To go along with my Bacon!
Hedj: Eww that’s gross.
Just then they all hear a high pitched scream.
Dawginson: What was that!? Someone screaming for Ice cream?
Shuki: It sounded like a woman!
Hedj: Yeah someone must be in trouble!
Ego God: Nah that was just Hyper.
Just then Hyper comes running down the stares carrying a black box.
Hyper: Oh no guys! It’s the end of the world! Were all screwed!
Darth: Nonsense. Whatever the problem we’ll just nuke it.
Hyper: No no it’s to late! I was found this box and it contains these things called Joker’s Cards! And I read that there will be six! And after all six have risen the end will consume us all!
Ego God: Um Hyper that’s a box of CD’s.
Shuki: On top of that they’re your CD’s.
Hyper: All lies! I think I would have remembered purchasing these so called “CD’s.” Anyway these things are pure evil and five of the Joker’s Cards are already in here! Who knows when the 6th will be revealed!
Shuki: They are CD’s and they are YOUR CD’s. You’ve been and ICP fan for like 10 years and own all their CD’s!
Hedj: Yeah and didn’t you make a big deal about 3 years ago saying the 6th Joker’s Card was released?
Ego God: He did… I remember that fateful day… Hyper caused a lot of trouble but the end did not consume us all.
Hyper: You mean the 6th is already here!?
Darth: You must have overlooked it you dumb fuck. You have all their CD’s in that box.
Hyper: Oh no! Then were too late! To late I tell you! TO LATE! AHHHHH!!!!!
Hyper drops the box and runs upstairs screaming like a mental case. Everyone else just stands there silent as Dawginson walks into the room.
Dawginson: Wow… So anyway about that Ice cream.
Everyone: Shut up Dawg!
An hour later Hyper comes back down the stairs.
Ego God: You finally calm down?
Hyper: Calm down!? CALM DOWN!? Were screwed man!
Darth: Look no fucking clowns are going to destroy the world. You’re a dumbass Hyper.
Hyper: Are so! They’ll destroy us all! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All!
Shuki: Hey keep it down Hyper I’m trying to play Tekken here!
Hyper: Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All!
Hedj: Someone make him stop!
Hyper runs off through the warehouse screaming Destroy us all over and over.
Ego God: Look gang we need to come up with a plan to make Hyper stop being afraid of clowns.
Darth: Nuke all the clowns?
Ego God: No, something easier…
Dawginson: Wait I got it! I have such a brilliant idea that if I even began to understand it my head would surely explode!
Hedj: Um what?
Dawginson: Simple! We all go and view the latest issue of the greatest sprite comic series ever in the existence of time. FOUR BATS!
Shuki: And that’s going to stop Hyper from acting stupid how?
Dawginson: Wait Hyper? I thought we were coming up with ideas to view Four Bats. If were trying to come up with an idea to make Hyper not stupid we better give up and now and watch some TV.
Ego God: Enough Dawg… Look maybe we could try dressing up like clowns to show Hyper that there is nothing to be afraid of.
Dawginson: Sounds like too much work so count me out.
Darth: Me to. Not that I’m lazy I just refuse to dress up like a damn clown when I could be solving this problem by blowing shit up.
Ego God: Um all right… what about you two?
Hedj: Er… I guess…
Shuki: Me too if it will shut Hyper up…
Meanwhile Hyper is in the bathroom sitting on the toilet.
Hyper: Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All!
Meanwhile we go back down to the warehouse and see Ego God, Hedj and Shuki all dressed up as clowns.
Shuki: This better work…
Hyper comes down and walks into the kitchen.
Hyper: Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All! Hey pie! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All! Destroy Us All!
He walks out and spots the clowns.
Ego God: Hi there Hyper! Were a group of friendly clowns here to brighten up your day.
Hyper: Ahhh! Ahhh! They’re here! Help!
Hyper runs off and jumps through a window in the warehouse.
Shuki: Oh well that worked great.
DB starts laughing from the other room.
Darth: Sure did.
Just then Hyper walks though the front door.
Hyper: Hey gang you’ll never guess what I… holy crap there still here!
Hyper turns around and jumps out another window.
Darth: Hahahaha.
Ego God: Damn it he’s breaking all the windows!
Hedj: Great idea Ego God!
Hyper walks back in again.
Hyper: Wow that was a close one… Ahhhh!!!
Hyper sees them again and starts running around the warehouse. He runs to the first window and sees it’s broke. He runs to the second window, which is also broke. He pauses for a moment, screams again and runs out the door and across the yard to their neighbor’s house. He bangs on the door and Supafly opens it.
Supa: Hyper what the hell do you want?
Hyper doesn’t answer he just runs into Supa’s house and jumps out of a window and starts running around in circles on Supa’s yard screaming.
Supa: Man what the fuck! I really need to move out of this neighborhood…
Supa slams the door and after awhile Hyper runs off again.
Darth: Hey guys Hyper is heading back this way.
Ego God: Crap we should take these outfits off.
Shuki: You think?
Hyper walks back inside.
Hedj: To late.
Hyper: I think I finally lost them…
Hyper sees them again.
Hyper: Ahhhh!!!!
Shuki: Hyper calm down!
This time Hyper runs up stairs screaming. There is silence for a moment but then glass shatters and Hyper falls down and lands in the front yard.
Hedj: Oh no he jumped out a window upstairs!
Ego God: We better go check on him gang!
Everyone gathers around Hyper as he lays passed out on the lawn. Well except Dawginson, he was too lazy to go outside and is instead eating a bacon sandwich.
Shuki: Is he ok?
Darth pokes him with a stick.
Darth: He’s just passed out.
Meanwhile Hyper is having a dream. He meets up with Jeff Hardy.
Hyper: Holy crap your Jeff Hardy!
Jeff: I am..? Oh right… I am. I always forget who I am.
Hyper: What are you doing here?
Jeff: I was supposed to give you advice, or something. Is there a problem you need help with?
Hyper: Sure is. There’s all these scary clowns trying to Destroy Us All!
Jeff: Oh Hyper, clowns aren’t scary.
Hyper: They aren’t?
Jeff: Of course not! They're different and just because someone looks different and thinks differently then you doesn’t mean you should be scared of them. You should be angry with them! How dare they be different!? What my way of life isn't good enough for you!?
Hyper: Gee thanks Jeff Hardy.
Jeff: No prob. No I needed to be going. I have to find TNA or something.
Hyper comes to after this and Ego God, Shuki and Hedj are still dressed as clowns.
Hyper: Hey look some funny clowns.
Ego God: See look it worked! He’s not afraid anymore!
Hyper: I’m gonna kill you freaks!!!
Ego God: Ah crap…
Shuki: Run!
Hyper chases them and DB watches on. He cracks open a beer and starts laughing his ass off.
Darth: Hahahaha.
Ego God, Shuki, and Hedj runs so fast that they pass by someone on the sidewalk and all the clown clothes come off and lands on that person.
Super Knux: Hey watch where you’re going!
Hyper then comes running towards the now clown dressed Super.
Super Knux: Hey Hyper long time no see!
Hyper: Die you filthy clown!
Hyper jumps at Super spears him and then starts beating the crap out of him.
Super Knux: Ah crap! Help me! Someone help me!
Hyper bends Super's leg and a cracking sound is heard.
Super: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!