CoaP Episode #502 - Hyper's Missing
By: Shaun Shikeishuu (Hyper Knux)
Another day goes by at the CoaP warehouse. Shuki is currently kicking Ego God’s ass at Tekken and Hedj is watching on, cheering for Shuki. Meanwhile DB and G-Dawg can be found in the kitchen. DB is drinking a beer and Dawg is trying out a new experiment. Oh yeah and Hyper is no where to be found again. This can only mean trouble.
The camera zooms in around the gang members in front of the TV.
Shuki: Hey I won again!
Hedj: Woo go Shuki!
Ego God: Damn it all!
Shuki: Want to play again?
Ego God: You’re on!
They begin another game and the camera cuts back to the kitchen.
Darth: The hell you doing now?
Dawginson: Trying out my newest experiment. Over here I have a plate of fresh cooked bacon. And here I have bowls filled with different things to dip the bacon into. I have nacho cheese, chocolate, marinara sauce, jello, and honey. I will be dipping the bacon in different bowls and even combine some to see which tastes good and which suck.
Darth: And your doing it why?
Dawginson: In the name of science of course!
Darth: Yeah ok then.
The camera zooms back to Ego God, Shuki and Hedj. Shuki has once again defeated Ego God.
Ego God: Damn it! Why can’t I win?
Hedj: Because Shuki is better then you.
Ego god: …
Just then the phone rings.
Shuki: I’ll get it.
Shuki gets up to answer the phone.
Shuki: Hello?
???: Yes hello are you the one they call Shuki? If so I am a representative of Playboy magazine and we want you to pose for it. All you have to do is come by our offices located in Hyper’s room for a photo shoot.
Shuki: Hyper I know it’s you!
???: What? No we just have our offices set up in his room. We are in no way associated with the one called Hyper and…
Shuki: Damn it Hyper we have caller ID!
She hangs up the phone and goes back to the couch.
Shuki: Stupid Hyper and his new cell phone.
Hedj: I think the only reason he got it was to prank us.
Ego God: Well yeah the idiot kept using the warehouse phones to call us which gave him away pretty damn easy.
Meanwhile in Hyper’s room.
Hyper: Damn it! I thought that would work for sure! Maybe I could try it on Hedj… but no damn caller ID will blow my cover again… I must find a way to beat caller ID!
An hour later the whole gang minus Hyper are watching TV.
Shuki: So Dawg how your experiment go?
Dawginson: I have come to the conclusion that just about everything I dipped bacon into tasted good. This just further proves that bacon is the greatest thing in the existence. Well of course the sprite comic series known as FOUR BATS is a close contender. It’s for sure without a doubt the greatest sprite comic ever. Infact…
Hedj: Ok we get it!
Dawginson: Get it? got it? Good.
Shuki: Anyway where is Hyper?
The phone rings.
Darth: Call it a hunch but I think that’s him now.
Ego God: Argh I’ll get it.
Ego God picks up the phone.
Ego God: Hello?
Hyper is shown somewhere dressed up like a Cowboy using a payphone.
Hyper: (In a Southern Accent) Howdy partner! I represent the International Stupid Fat Head Club and I’m just calling to let you know you have been elected President.
Ego God: Hyper’s I know it’s you. I have caller ID.
Camera zooms to the phone’s caller ID and it says the following:
Caller: Hyper
Blood type: O
Occupation: Drunken Idiot
Hyper: What!? I even dressed up like a stupid Cowboy to disguise myself and used a payphone! Curse caller ID! Curse it to hell!
Hyper slams the phone all pissed off and Ego God walks back over to the couch and sits down. After a moment the phone rings again.
Ego God: Damn it!
Hedj: Let me get it.
Hedj gets up and answer the phone.
Hedj: Stop calling Hyper we know it’s you.
Hyper: Um yeah… it’s me but… I don’t know where I am.
Hedj: What do you mean you don’t know where you are?
Hyper: Well I left to find a pay phone and I guess I got lost.
Hedj sighs.
Hedj: Can you describe where you are?
Hyper: Well it’s kind of cold.
Hedj: It’s cold? Are you in Antarctica?
Hyper: No I don’t even have an Aunt Arctica. And if I did how could I be inside her?
Hedj sighs again and puts down the phone.
Hedj: Guys Hyper’s lost.
Darth: Good now there will be more beer.
Dawginson: And more bacon!
Shuki: As calm as things are without Hyper we best go find him before he hurts himself
Ego God: Or he hurts others.
Dawginson: Well you guys go ahead I’ll stay here and watch the warehouse.
Darth: Slacker.
Ego God: Come on gang let’s split up.
Shuki: You mean let’s go to the van and look for Hyper?
Ego God: That’s what I said. Now lets go!
The gang all go out and get in the van and drive off in search of Hyper.
Hedj: Now it’s only been an hour since Hyper left so he couldn’t have gotten far on foot.
Shuki: Maybe we should try calling him again to see if he can better describe his location.
Hedj: I tried already. All he told me was he was in a cold place.
Shuki pulls out a cell phone and calls Hyper’s.
Shuki: Well I’ll give it a try.
Hyper picks up.
Hyper: Hello? Do you know where I am?
Shuki: What? No were looking for you.
Hyper: I don’t know where I am. I think I’m lost or something.
Shuki: Yeah we know that… Try describing your location.
Hyper: It’s kind of cold and there’s a concrete floor. And boxes. Lots of boxes.
Shuki hangs up the phone.
Hedj: Didn’t help much did it?
Shuki: He said the floor was concrete and it was cold and there were a bunch of boxes.
Darth: That could be anywhere.
Shuki: Well in any case we better start searching.
Over the next few hours they checked bars, the checked strip joints, they checked the mall and the arcade. But Hyper was no where to be found.
Ego God: Were never gonna find him!
Darth: I think we need to check more bars.
Shuki: Argh can we just go back to the warehouse.
Hedj: Yeah it’s getting late.
Ego God: Fine were going.
Soon they arrived back to the warehouse. They all walk into see Dawginson and Hyper sitting on the couch eating bacon and watching TV.
Shuki: Hyper!? What the hell!?
Hyper: Oh hey guys.
Ego God: You’re supposed to be lost!
Hyper: Oh yeah I was but Dawg found me.
Hedj: Where the hell was he?
Dawginson: I found him in the basement when I went down to get some more bacon out of the big bacon freezer I had installed. He somehow wondered inside and got locked in.
Hyper: Yeah seems I didn’t leave the warehouse after all. But damn it was cold in there.
Darth: Dumb fuck.
Hyper: Yeah in any case how about we all have some bacon!
Ego God, Shuki, Hedj, and Darth all have sweat drops over their heads.
Hyper: What!?
Everyone but Dawginson gets pissed and starts chasing Hyper around the warehouse. Dawg just sits and watches eating bacon. Eventually Hyper finds a place to hide.
Hyper: Crap that was close. Best to lay low for a while.
Hyper pulls out his cell phone.
Hyper: I am kind of bored though. Time to make a prank call!
Hyper goes into his address book and dials a number. Meanwhile at Supa’s house the phone rings and Supa picks up the phone.
Supa: Hello?
Hyper: Hello this is Kelly Clarkson.
Supa: Wow! Kelly Clarkson! What can I do for you?
Hyper: Yes I am doing a survey. Is your TV on?
Supa: Why yes. Yes it is.
Hyper: It is? How does it fit!?
The camera pans out to show Supa actually wearing a TV around his waist with straps going over his shoulders like suspenders.
Supa: Quite snug actually.
Hyper hangs the phone up laughing but Supa doesn’t notice as his girlfriend just walked into the room, also wearing a TV.
Ongaru: Who’s on the phone hun?
Supa: Kelly Clarkson!
Ongaru: Oh how exciting! Wait who’s Kelly Clarkson?
Supa: Beats me.
The End
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