CoaP Episode #509 - The Good Old Days
By: Shaun Shikeishuu (Hyper Knux)
One afternoon at the CoaP Warehouse we find the whole gang sitting around reminiscing about the good old days.
Ego God: And even though we told Hyper the pool had no water in it he still leaped off the high dive. He was in the hospital for a week after that one!
Everyone but Hyper starts laughing at the story Ego God just told.
Hyper: Damn it! Why do all these stupid stories about the old day’s end with me doing something stupid and getting hurt?
Darth: Maybe its because you ARE always doing stupid things and getting hurt.
Hyper: That’s a damn dirty lie!
Shuki: Is it now? Remember what happen earlier this morning?
Flashback to that morning. The CoaP gang is all outside enjoying a beautiful spring morning. Darth is drinking a beer and Dawginson is gulping down bacon. Meanwhile they all spot Hyper up on the roof standing on a plank of wood he has nailed to the ledge.
Hyper: Hey everyone look at me! Look at me! I’m going to jump off the high dive!
Hedj: Hyper no!
Ego God: Stop fooling around you idiot! The pool is empty!
Hyper: There’s no stopping Hyper! For Hyper is a world class diver!
Hyper runs across the plank of wood and it snaps in half causing Hyper to fall.
Hyper: Ahhhh!!! Save me jebus!
Hyper falls and slams into the ground hard with a sick thud.
Hyper: I’m ok I think…
The plank of wood falls and smacks him in the head.
Hyper: Ok maybe not…
Hyper passes out and the Flashback comes to an end.
Shuki: Some things never change huh?
Hyper: …
Ego God: Well at least that time he didn’t land in the pool.
Shuki: Good point.
Hyper: You guys want to flash back to stories about me huh? Well let me tell you a story about something Ego God did!
Dawginson: Oh this should be good!
Hyper: This happen a few years back when the CoaP gang was still made up of Zin, CK, Nuku, Super, Ego God and myself. You see we were on this adventure and…
Flash back to show the original CoaP gang driving on a long stretch of road. Hyper is at the wheel dressed up in an expensive and sophisticated looking suit. Nuku is sitting beside him and the rest of the gang are sitting in the back along with Ego God who is wearing a diaper and swinging a cat around by it’s tail.
Ego God: I’m Ego God and I’m the biggest idiot ever!
Ego God lets go of the cat’s tail and it slams into the back of Hyper’s seat, which makes him lose control for a second.
Hyper: Would someone please keep that Ego God under control. I am trying to concentrate on my driving all while trying to form the perfect plan to defeat Cal without harming him or anyone else in the process.
Zin: So sorry Hyper sir!
CK: Yeah we’ll keep him under control!
CK slaps Ego God and he begins crying.
Ego God: Wah! Wah! Stoopid red hedgehog mean to Ego God! Wah!
Hyper sighs and stops the van.
Hyper: Oh for petes sake. You’re a year older than me Ego God and I feel it’s about time you act as so.
Super: Give him a break Hyper sir. Not everyone can be as sophisticated and as well educated as you.
Nuku: Don’t forget hansom!
Hyper: This is all very true. But even so that’s no excuse for Ego God here to act like such a Neanderthal. He needs discipline.
CK: Should I slap him again?
Hyper: No no ole’ chap. Violence never solves anything. There must be a more logical way to cure Ego God of his stupidity and child like behavior.
Hyper sits at the wheel and ponders and Ego God starts picking his nose in the back. Just then we cut back to real time.
Hyper: Then after a moment Hyper concocted an idea so brilliant that the rest of CoaP could not even begin to understand it’s complexity and awesomness.
Ego God: Damn it Hyper enough all ready! We both know that never happen!
Hyper: Are you calling me a liar?
Ego God: Yes!
Hyper: But it’s all true!
Shuki: I’m sorry Hyper but for some reason your story sounds… unlikely.
Darth: More like unfucking possible.
Dawginson: I dunno I found it to be pretty funny.
Hyper: I’m telling you all it’s true. If the other original CoaP members were around they would tell you!
Ego God: They would not!
Hyper: The only reason Ego God doesn’t remember is because my perfectly brilliant plan just so happen to work out exactly as I had calculated, thus curing Ego God and making him the way he is today.
Hedj: Fascinating!
Hyper: Ego God should really be thanking me. If I wouldn’t have cured him he would be sitting here right now in a diaper swinging a cat around by it’s tail!
Hedj: Eeep!
Hedj looks at Ego God and scoots away from him and hides her tail.
Ego God: Argh!
Hyper: So anyway this other time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Ego God.
Shuki: Wow really?
Ego God: No! That never happen either! I would have remembered that if it really happen!
Hyper: Well of course you don’t remember. If that happen to me I’d want to forget too. Chuck Norris kicked Ego Dude here so hard he was sent flying through 10 huge buildings, all of which collapsed on impact. The entire block was leveled and Ego God spent 6 months in the hospital then another 6 months in a wheel chair.
Ego God: You liar!
Hyper: Oh it’s all true. You guys know where that big crater is in downtown SoaH City?
Hedj: Yeah.
Hyper: Well that’s the area where this incident took place and the crater just so happens to be the spot that Ego God landed.
Ego God: That’s not true! Guy’s he making this all up!
Darth: If he is then explain the huge crater? Cause I sure don’t remember setting off any bombs down there…
Ego God: That crater was left after one of Cal’s secret bases exploded.
Hyper: A likely story! But you forgot one thing. Cal is just a figment of our imaginations making your explanation false!
Shuki: Hyper that makes no sense!
Ego God: Of course it doesn’t. He’s an idiot! Now if you’ll excuse me I think I’ve heard enough of this crap…
Ego God walks away leaving the rest of the gang alone. Hyper begins to tell another story about how he had upgraded the SoaH machine so they could travel to Mars. The gang all listens on as Ego God heads into his room and slams the door.
Ego God: Damn Hyper… he promised to never tell anyone about the Chuck Norris incident… Why can’t they just let me forget!? Why!?
The End
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